Updated: Mar 21
Choose Your Team Wisely.
You'll get a lot of advice and recommendations. But it's important to be mindful as you choose professionals (as well as friends and family members) to serve on your support squad. Share your vulnerabilities with people you trust. Hire professionals who understand your values. Work with people who will help you meet your goals. Remember, your situation (while similar to others) is unique. You are the expert when it comes to yourself and your family. Get clarity around yourself and matters close to home. Then seek the appropriate support based on your needs.
Ask not, “What can I get out of this divorce?” Ask, “What’s the best way to start this new chapter?”
Quite often people approach divorce by wanting to maximize their gains and minimize their losses. And that's completely normal and totally in line with human nature. But the problem is that when you adopt such an attitude, divorce becomes a game (or war) to be won or lost through a series of battles (battles over the house, the cars, the kids, etc). And there's simply more to it than that. When you look at divorce through the lens of humanity, it's not about games or battles. It's about people. And it's not like a movie that will end after a major climactic scene... life will go on. And so I encourage you to think about your divorce or breakup as if it's the beginning of the rest of your life. Because it is.
Talk about the right topics at the right time
In an effort to alleviate the anxiety that comes with uncertainty, couples often rush to find solutions to answer questions about dividing assets and sharing time with the children. But, it's important to first define the problem before discussing the solution. After all, you can't be sure the solution will meet your needs until you know what your needs are. Before you agree on a parenting schedule, make sure you've acknowledged the kids' schedules, parents' schedules, and any concerns or special needs pertaining to the children. Before you determine how to divide the assets, make sure you know your financial goals, budgets, and future plans. When you're mindful about making your decisions, you'll make a more appropriate plan for your family.